Part of game is technique, while part of game is your mindset. It’s important to approach relationships with the proper frame; primarily one of confidence, assumed attraction, and higher value.
The other part of game however, which I think is a bit over-discussed, is technique. While techniques are certainly great for getting a quick improvement in your game, they’re not really a long term solution.
They don’t fix the underlying causes of having poor game. That being said, sometimes you need a technique.
Sometimes your game is just so damn bad, and you’ve been brutally rejected so many damn times, that you need techniques to even get your foot in the door and start building attraction. These are those techniques.
I recommend you use them in conjunction with developing a strong, masculine mindset, a deep sense of self-esteem, and a high level of confidence. Let’s get to it.
1. Stop Complementing Her
While complements can certainly be a good thing at times, most men complement the women they like far too frequently.
Girls have heard it all before, especially the hot ones. “Oh you’re so beautiful,” some guy will tell her, in a pathetic attempt to get in her pants.
The next time you see a beautiful woman that you are attracted to, don’t complement her until you know she’s at least somewhat interested in you.
Again, complements can work when you don’t need a single ounce of her validation, but the fact of the matter is most guys are better off simply not complementing her at first.
If you want to know how to get laid, this is probably the biggest secret. So many guys are WAY too eager, and think they can compliment their way into her pants
Unfortunately, the real world doesn’t work like that. Just lay back, be cool, and assume higher value.
2. Stop Leaning In
I know that it can be hard to hear people in the club sometimes, but trust me—the more that you stand back the better.
The first thing that most men do when they meet an attractive woman is they become completely transfixed on her. It’s like she’s the most interesting thing they’ve seen in their entire life.
…and while this may sound like a good idea for a fairy tale movie, it’s not how things work in real life. Don’t chase her so hard.
You have to give her some space—don’t lean in so far and don’t act too excited. Leaning in like a little puppy dog eager for her approval and attention signals low value and inexperience with women.
3. Stand Up Straight
As played out as this piece of advice is, it still amazes me that there’s tons of guys who fail to stand up straight when talking to a girl.
If you want to know how to be an alpha male, literally half of it is just having confident body language. Fake it until you make it.
Not only does slouching over wreak havoc on your hormones, but it also signals that you’re not confident in who you are. There’s a reason this is one of Jordan B. Peterson’s rules for life.
Your chest should stick out, just ever so slightly—while your chin isn’t so low as to seem ashamed, but not so high as to seem arrogant.
A good exercise is to imagine an invisible piece of string from the bottom of your spine to the crown of your head. Simply grab the top of the string, and pull up until your spine is aligned.
4. Assume Attraction
While it’s important to have some level of social calibration, far too many guys are overly concerned with what others think.
When I walk up to a girl, I’m obviously aware of the situation she’s in. How many friends does she have with her? Is she talking with someone?
Would it be rude to interrupt her? Is she with her boyfriend? These questions circle my head.
Yet even so, when I walk up I never assume that she’s going to reject me. This often becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
If you want to know how to talk to girls, literally the #1 key is to JUST ASSUME ATTRACTION. That’s literally 99% of it right there.
So, instead of assuming you’ll get rejected, walk up to a girl fully confident, assuming that she’s going to love you for who you are.
This is attractive, and more often than not, she’ll pick up on it and at the very least be somewhat attracted to you.
If you’re ever getting immediately blown out, or brutally rejected, I guarantee you it’s because you’re not assuming attraction.
You’re walking up to her with weird, negative energy, and so you attract the same energy in return. This is the 4th immutable law of energy, and it cannot ever be broken.
5. Speak Clearly
Have you ever noticed how some guys can never seem to be heard? Their voices are just so damn quiet that you can’t even hear them if you’re right next to them in a quiet office.
This is a symptom of very low self-esteem; it’s as if they feel so unworthy that they can’t even elevate their voice.
…and, no matter how good your PUA openers and pickup lines are, if you can’t even speak CLEARLY, they aren’t going to work.
Unfortunately, this is a fairly common problem with modern man—but on the plus side, simply learning to speak with proper volume and clarity will improve your results by at least 30%.
Practice elevating your voice even if it may feel “too loud” for you. High value individuals are never afraid of being heard, and you shouldn’t be either.
6. Initiate Touch
There’s a term in the pickup community called “kino,” which is basically just nerd speak for touching someone while talking to them.
It specifically refers to women, and how skilled PUA’s will selectively use light touch and body language to make women more comfortable with them.
A lot of guys want to know how to talk to girls, but the secret is, it’s not WHAT you say… it’s HOW you say it!
Studies show that body language accounts for literally up to 93% of our communication, so learning to do “kino” properly is really important.
Here’s the key… it’s a balance. Don’t be overly touchy—nobody likes that. Yet don’t be afraid to initiate physical contact.
Start by maybe brushing her elbow when you’re talking with her, or holding her hand when the time is appropriate.
When you learn to start with small physical escalation like this, it makes things so much more smooth.
Trust me… I now it can feel weird at first, but if you master kino, you’ll be able to get girls thinking YOU’RE their oneitis, rather than the other way around.
7. Push Her More
No, don’t physically push her. I’m talking about the psychological concept of push/pull. This is in essence what all good flirting comes down to—it’s a matter of pushing and pulling, giving and taking.
The classic example of this is the backhanded complement, which is often used by experienced PUA’s to generate attraction.
The backhanded complement is where you insult her yet complement her at the same time. It’s also known as negging in some PUA circles.
Common examples of negging would be:
- “You have the cutest bugs bunny teeth, they’re adorable.”
- “I like your pants, where did you get them—the thrift store?”
- “Be careful with that bright red dress you have on, it could cause onlooking traffic to go blind.”
While you certainly can go overboard with these “negs” as they’re typically called, they can be very powerful if used right.
I don’t recommend using them until you get a little bit of experience under our belt, because newbies often misuse these lines and the girl ends up getting insulted.
That being said, if a girl is giving you mixed signals, using a neg or two on her is often a REALLY good way to get her to chase you.
How to REALLY Improve Your Game
In short, it took me years to learn the game.
I went from technique to technique to technique, sifting through literally thousands of pages of PUA notes and manuscripts, only to find out that most of it was complete and utter horse shit. These techniques are the exception.
Simply applying one or two of these techniques to your game will have a significant impact on your attractiveness.
If you apply all seven of these tips, however? You’ll be swimming in pussy faster than you can say “Masculine Development.”
Keep in mind that while these techniques are solid, ultimately they don’t fix the underlying problem—your lack of masculinity.
If you’re truly interested in getting this game thing handled, consider checking out my 7 Strategies to Develop Your Masculinity, which now comes with four free bonus eBooks.
Learning game is like learning a bike…it takes a while to get it down, but once you do you’ll never forget it.
I recommend you re-read this article and take notes on the seven tricks mentioned above.
Start applying them today, because in the words of Tony Robbins, you should never leave the spot of making a decision without taking action.
The “I like your pants, where did you get them—the thrift store?” didn’t even work she was insulted ps. She is 39
It would be interesting a series of posts about the laws of energy.
I’ve definitely thought about this. Thanks for the input!
Off topic but have you ever tried the nootropic Mind Lab Pro?
I actually have not, my dude. Any reason you ask?
Just looking at ways to improve my focus, especially when working behind a laptop and socializing.