There’s a lot of bullshit out there in the mainstream dating world. “If it’s meant to be, it’ll happen!”
People are raised to believe that their dream spouse will just magically fall into their lap, because life is just some god damn fairy tale, right?
Wrong. If you want to find the perfect girlfriend, and for that matter, the perfect wife, you’re going to have to put in some work…and by some work, I mean a lot of fucking work.
This advice is not mainstream. It is not sugar-coated. It is not meant to soothe you, or to make you feel good. If you cannot handle it, leave.
If you’re ready to take your dating life to the next level, and discover a realistic approach to getting a good girlfriend, however, then read on.
3 Biggest Dating Myths
Most of the dating industry isn’t actually meant to help you. Surprised? Well, you shouldn’t be. Generally speaking marketers want to sell you comfortable lies, rather than uncomfortable truths.
Think about it: which of the two products would most people rather buy?
- A product that makes you feel really good, but doesn’t actually do anything to help you
- A product that exposes all your flaws and makes you feel like shit, but can actually help you improve
Most people would rather buy product #1, which is why most of the self-help and dating industry is filled with garbage. So, right off the bat, let’s debunk some of the most common myths in the dating industry.
Myth #1 – It Will Just Happen
This is one of the biggest myths, not only in the dating industry, but in all of life. Nothing ever “just happens.” In reality, if you want something, you’re going to have to put a lot of work into getting it. The media pushes “overnight success,” as the norm, but this is a lie. You have to work for what you want.
This applies to your finances, it applies to your health, and it applies especially to the women in your life. You will not just magically land that sexy and intelligent Ukrainian model without putting in a lot of work to get there.
Don’t get me wrong, however—the work is worth it. In the words of Art Williams: “I’m not telling you it’s going to be easy. I’m telling you it’s going to be worth it.”
Myth #2 – You Can’t Improve Your Dating Life
Most of mainstream society has an unconscious bias towards a caste system. Sound confusing? Let me explain. You’ve heard of the caste system, right? Those old social hierarchies, where you’re born into a certain position, like “noble,” or “peasant,” or “king,” and you’re stuck there forever?
That’s how most men feel about their dating lives. Most men don’t realize that you can actually take steps to improve your dating life. Most men think that they’re just “stuck,” with whatever women like them. In other words, they take a passive approach to dating rather than an active approach.
Fortunately for you, this isn’t the case. There’s plenty of things you can do to improve your dating life, such as learning game, working on your appearance, and earning more money. I will discuss these more down below.
Myth #3 – Women Only Want Money and Looks
As I’ve said before, marketers want you to believe this. Salesmen and megacorp CEO’s want you to believe that women only care about money, because that makes you profitable.
“Here, buy this $20,000 Rolex! You’ll get ALL the girls…” says the watch salesmen. It’s the same old song and dance, and for good reason…because it works. Sex sells. You can sell a desperate man ANYTHING if you tell him it’ll get him laid.
Unfortunately, however, that Rolex or brand new Mercedes-Benz won’t get him laid. That million dollar house and $5,000 Tom Ford suit won’t do anything for his blue balls. Why? Well as I’ve explained before, women care far more about personality characteristics.
Yes, obviously looks, money, and social status will all make you more attractive…but in terms of leverage points, your personality is the highest.
How is it that I can go out and pull home a stunner, meanwhile better looking, and richer guys are going home empty-handed? It’s because I’ve studied game, and I’ve put in the hours to learn how to apply it.
How to Get A Girlfriend: 4 Critical Steps
Now, what we’ve all been waiting for—let’s talk about how to get a girlfriend. Not just any girlfriend, though… your dream girl.
These steps are going to seem unconventional, because most conventional dating advice is complete garbage.
Don’t believe me? Ask yourself why you’re reading this article. You probably want to get a hotter girlfriend, right?
Has what you’ve been doing worked so far? Of course not. If it was working, you wouldn’t be reading this article.
So, keep in mind that these steps may seem unconventional, because they are… but they work. Trust me on this. You’ll see why in a second.
Step #1 – Don’t Get a Girlfriend. Learn Game.
“Wait a second, what? I thought you were going to teach me how to get a girlfriend!” I can hear you ask. Yeah, I am, but do you know what’s even MORE important than getting a girlfriend?
Getting a girlfriend when you’re in the right state of mind. Most guys choose a girlfriend from a state of scarcity—they only have 1, maybe 2 women interested in them, so they settle with what they can get.
This is not ideal. If you want to actually find a good girlfriend, you’re going to have to play the field for a while. Learn how to ask for a girl’s number. Learn how to pass shit tests. Learn how to pull club girls. Learn how to use Tinder and Bumble to your advantage.
Getting good with women is a SKILL SET. It’s something that you can practice and improve over time, so that when you actually do meet the perfect girl, you’ll have the charisma and confidence that you need to get her.
Of course, some people might say “that’s manipulative,” or “that’s shallow.” Well, what I would say to them, is to fuck off. They’re probably married to some mediocre fat girl that doesn’t really like them anyways, but just settled for them.
Unfortunately this is 90% of marriages—the man settles for some girl who’s approaching the wall, and the girl settles for some man who is “stable enough,’ but who she doesn’t really love. Don’t end up like this. You want to choose a girl from a state of ABUNDANCE.
Step #2 – Get a Rotation Going
Once you’ve improved your game quite a bit, you’ll start to have regular girls that want to hang out with you and keep sleeping with you. You may meet them during the day, or you may meet them at parties. Either way, it’s fine.
Get to the point where you have 3 or 4 hot girls that you’re sleeping with on a regular basis. This will make getting a girlfriend far easier, for two reasons.
First, it will prevent you from getting too needy. If a girl doesn’t want to have sex with you, it isn’t a big deal, because you have 3 other girls on speed dial that will. This will prevent you from choosing a girlfriend just to have constant sex, which is what 90% of guys end up doing.
Second, this will make you more attractive and improve your confidence around more beautiful women. Girls can sense when a guy hasn’t had sex in ages, and more often than not, they find it repulsive.
When a guy’s getting laid every other day, however, he walks differently. He talks differently. He acts differently. Women can pick up on this, and it will give you access to higher quality girls. Again, remember that you want to choose a girlfriend from a state of ABUNDANCE, not SCARCITY.
If I choose to be monogamous with a woman, it means a lot more than most guys, because I’m doing it from a place of abundance. When most guys choose a girlfriend, they do it out of sheer desperation or lack of sex. When I choose a girlfriend, it’s because I actually want to be with her more than the other girls.
Step #3 – Start Selectively Dating
Now that you’ve got a harem of women built up, you can choose the cream of the crop to date. Sounds good, doesn’t it? This is where learning game is really going to start paying off.
Choose the best of the bunch, and start dating them—maybe it’s only 1 girl at first, or maybe it’s 2 or 3 girls at first. Either way, you can have your pick, and the girls you’re dating will sense it. They’ll sense that you’re in a state of abundance, and they’ll want you even more for it.
Start by treating the girls that you really like. If they’ve been sleeping with you for a while, and you enjoy their company, take them out to coffee some time. Take them out to a club, or to a comedy show. Do fun things with them.
This will transition you from being the “lover,” to being “boyfriend material.” You always want to start off as the “lover,” or the guy who has sex with them, because it’s far easier to go from lover to boyfriend material, than vice versa.
Get to know the girls you’re dating. Look for any red flags, like vanity, lack of empathy, or manipulativeness. Look for any green flags, like kindness, femininity, and generosity. From here you can start to “screen out,” the girls who aren’t girlfriend material.
Step #4 – Take Your Pick
Now, you can take your pick from the best of the best. It will take a lot of work to get to this point, but like I said in the beginning of the article, it will be worth it. If you’re willing to put in the effort, and go through tons of rejections, you’ll get here eventually.
After sleeping with dozens of women, creating a rotation, and dating the cream of the crop, you’re now free to choose your girlfriend…if you want to.
You could just stay in an open relationship, and have a “primary,” which is what a lot of pickup artists and players do. Your primary is basically your #1 girl, but not your only girl. She’s the one you go out with, the one you spend the most time with, and the one you treat the most.
To be honest, I think that this is far preferable to being in a monogamous relationship, but you can do what you wish.
Having a primary is like the best of both worlds. Not only do you get the benefits of constant sex with other girls, but you also get the benefits of a deeper emotional connection with a certain special girl. You’re never too needy or clingy, because you have an abundance of other women, but if you want to be more vulnerable, you have a girl who you can do that with.
Again, most mainstream dating advice would tell you otherwise, but I’m speaking the truth here. In my experience, and keep in mind my notch count is in the triple digits, having a primary is the way to go…at least until you’re ready to “settle down,” and have kids.
Summary
In short, getting good with women is a skill set. It’s something that you can improve. Don’t buy into the mainstream media’s lies about dating, either—believe me, I’ve been there, and it sucks. Take my word for it.
Start by learning game—get your notch count up to at least 10 or 15 before you even consider getting a girlfriend. Sleep around. Get good at relating to women emotionally and sexually. Eventually you’ll create a harem.
From there, you can choose the cream of the crop to date, until you find your primary. The beautiful thing about this process is that it doesn’t matter what you want, because you’re the one in control. Want a nerdy girl? Cool, choose to date those girls when you find them.
Want a shy and intelligent girl? Cool, choose to date her when you find her. Want a party girl? You’ll find plenty of those nowadays. This process works for anyone willing to put in the effort…all you have to do is take action.
If you guys have any questions, comments, or concerns, let me know in the comments section down below. And, as always, I’ll see you next time!
❓ How Do You Get A Girlfriend?
In short, the best way to get a girlfriend is to improve your own sexual marketplace value. This means making yourself a more attractive man, so that it becomes easier to attract women into your life.
Most men try to get a girlfriend without focusing on themselves first, and quite simply, this doesn't work. If you want to get a long term girlfriend, who is loyal to you for life, you need to first make yourself the best man you can possibly become.
❓ How Do You Get A Girlfriend in College?
The best way to get a girlfriend in college is to workout regularly and join a lot of social clubs. Fraternities are especially good at helping men get girlfriends, because they give you constant access to a new group of women each week.
❓ How Do You Get A Girlfriend in High School?
The best way to get a girlfriend in high school is to put yourself out there and join a lot of social clubs. It doesn't really matter which clubs you join, as long as you join something. Athletic clubs are especially good however, because girls love athletic guys.
Hi Jon,
1) girl usually want a relationship. When getting to know a new girl, while wanting to keep on the rotation, how do you shield off her desire to make this into a monogamous relationship? You just say “I want to keep this open” and they say “Okay”?
2) When spinning more plates, do they explicitly know from you that you are seeking other girls too, or do they intuit you do, or do you pretend like she’s the only one (which would mean lying)?
Thanks!
Hi Jon,
In honor of this article can you bring back your tinder 2.0 product? I am having trouble getting girls on tinder/bumble and could use some advice in this area. Thanks!
Adrian, message me. I can help you. jackzjonez@gmail.com
Good man. Adrian you can shoot me an email if you like, as well.
Jon,
What is your e-mail?
See the contact link at the bottom of my blog
He said ” learn” game which means it’s going to take awhile. I’m not that good looking and I haven’t been doing nearly what he’s telling you to do. Just bits and pieces and it works 10% of the time but it’s better than nothing. You’re not going to land a girl every time, it is a numbers game. You just have to keep doing it until you land one. It’s not false hope it’s just something that you have to constantly do no matter how long it takes
This. Game is a process. Also Shawn and Jonathan, a couple of thoughts:
1. “I’ve read every article,” that right there tells me why you don’t have game. For every hour you spend reading and thinking, you should spend 3 hours practicing.
2. I’m sorry that you’ve suffered from depression, I can definitely relate. Something to consider is the “energy” and emotions you’re putting out when you do game. Most likely, if you’re getting a lot of bad responses, it’s because you’re putting out negative energy that people pick up on and don’t want to engage with.
3. Shawn, there’s definitely a lot of entitled and vain girls, I’m not denying that. There’s some good ones too, though. With the arrogant girls, just don’t give them what they want. Have a firm sense of identity and don’t pander to them.
4. Game doesn’t take that long to learn. If you actually practice and approach 30-40 girls a day for a few months, you’ll be an entirely different person afterwards. And even if game does take a long time to learn, the alternative isn’t much better.
If you guys are struggling with specifics, feel free to shoot me an email. I actually genuinely care about my readers and want you guys to succeed, so please feel free to respond or ask more questions.
-Jon
I hit on girls practically every time I leave the house. when i go to bars and clubs, I hit on virtually every hot girl there. I can barely get a girl’s phone number let alone have sex with them. And I’m white, tall, young and good looking. “Learn game” you say? Dude I’ve read almost every article on returnofkings and I’ve watched tons of pickup videos on YouTube. If I hadn’t discovered antidepressants, I would have jumped off my ninth floor apartment long ago. I digress. Anyway, my point is you’re giving people false hope. You’re selling people false promises like a politician does. What you’re talking about is fictional fantasy. This is not reality.
I agree with ya brother…it is beyond frustrating the amount of entitled bitches out there who think they’re such hot shit and won’t give any guy the time-of-day.
Also, an unwritten rule about game/pickup that nobody seems to shed light on…is you’re going to have to waste an ungodly amount of damn time/effort/energy on this…but I’ve always wondered just where the hell guys get the energy and patience to be putting up with all the crap in the first place ???